How did I fall for a guy who mocked me in front of teacher and his mates but they applauded his actions with laughter. Even till this day I don’t know the answer. That was the day I realized my pride for my dreams. The words that brought change in me today. His words have tormented me for more than half a decade.
I remember him like as if he is just in front of me. He was that stupid good for nothing stud of our school. Prithivi was funny,smart witted and had his own charm that could not be hated.A favorite from our principal to all the students. But when it comes to my case he is the biggest jackass of all but to tell the truth I must been a biggest jackass than him to actually have fallen for him.
How can I stop myself from staring into his profound perfect features? Prithivi had a tall,thin, muscular body with fair under tone. He had a perfectly chislled jaw with a cutest dimple on his right check and the way his dark coffee brown eyes lighted up and the way his eyes smiled when he winked set the hearts of girls on fire. His perfect thick eyebrows added a spice to his appearance and expression. Classic cheesy grin at the side of his face was a wonder if wonders. Hey well it was my first girly crush. What do you expect…well I did have to good taste to please the eye
Should I be considered lucky or unlucky I don’t know but somehow I ended up in french classes with this stunning idiot who called me Chandhu and this made me feel special and at the top of world. To tell frankly I was not the brightest students but the type of student that belonged in gutter grade category.
I could never speak properly in full sentences in front of him. I don’t why. He took up the daily duty of my previous bullies. Daily he tormented me. Made fun of my accent, my every move and the way I learnt. Prithivi even went to a extent of body shaming me and made fun of the thin mustashe growing. Well it was very considerate of God to personally gift me with the diagnosis of Pcod. It occurs in 1 in every 10 women. Well it doesn’t matter how much I eat nor how much I tried to starve myself or the number of times I shoved fingers up my throat to empty my stomach had no effect on my weight but only ended up gaining more pounds of dear loving fat. Lol my life. I am medically unique.Heads up on that my dear draining life. But it didn’t matter not even a word came out of my mouth as I crushing on him hard. Haha I guess love is blind… My personally theory has be the thesis to prove this phrase
He literally took me to a point where I self doubted my own talents, my confidence and my esteem was running down the drain.
One day Prithivi went beyond his limits. W e were having the usual french class. My teacher asked me what I wanted to be. I felt nervous and scared to say my only dream out loud. She pestered me that I am in 10th now I had no clue what I wanted to be. Being annoyed I blurted it out that I want to be a Doctor. Prithivi cracked up like a mad crow. That voice even till this date gives me nightmares. Being the typical me I asked what’s funny . He drew a small circle in book and asked me to place a small fine dot inside it by holding the pen at the far other end. I did it effortless but he said the nib of the wobbled and I tried again.Umfortunetly I failed in vain.He cracked out laughing with his mates . I said its not funny. “You are a loser, you can never be a doctor,let alone qualify the medical examination”he said heartlessly in front of teacher and his mates as they burst out laughing. These precious words still ring in my ear drums when I go to sleep.
I felt humiliated for having a dream that was impossible to reach.The pain of being understated by your own dreams. Tears swelled up in my eyes yet I remained silent. It burnt a deep hole in the way the saw myself and later in life I payed the price for it with interest. I felt helpless and confused. But after going home I silently cried myself to sleep.How did I fall for this idiot?
Before I even had the chance to go after my dreams
They were shattered by the opinions of others
My delicate pot of confidence crushed to core
I didn’t know which was worse
Hearing this or from the guy that I liked…
To be continued